How To Start Loving Yourself Sick!

Happiness and joy. Two beautiful ways to feel about yourself and your life. Sometimes I think we like to wish that it was just as easy as flipping a switch and turning it on. Turning on feelings of happiness within our self, relationships, career and lives.

Too often we blame other people, events or jobs for our unhappiness. However, at the end of the day we are all in charge of our own happiness. It is the way we speak to ourselves, the energy that we put out into the world, and the encounters we enter ourselves into that decides how we feel and what goes on in our lives.

I used to rely on other people constantly for my own happiness. During my late teen’s and early 20’s I was a serial relationship kind of girl. I had four long term relationships varying from 4 years to 12 months in length.

I changed who I was as a person in order to receive love. I wanted nothing more than to keep my partner ‘happy’. On reflection, I really had no idea who I was or what I wanted. And I certainly had no self-love or respect for myself. I looked for everything from those around me.  

All I did know back then, was that I did not want to be alone. I needed someone in my life, to make me feel wanted. To make me feel desired. The thought of being single at that time was frightening. I needed someone in my life to make me happy! Or, so I thought.

I relied on my partners for my happiness. I relied on them to lift me up, make me smile, give me the praise and love that I truly desired. I felt having that person in my life was what I needed, but truthfully, I was lost. I was unhappy. I was the most alone I have ever been in my life.

None of these relationships where ever meant to be ‘the one’. Some of them where beautiful, some of them toxic. They all taught me lessons, and each time I began to learn more. More about me. More about love. More about what I want in a life partner.

Relationships are a challenging thing when we are young, and we don’t know who we really are. We learn about relationships from our parents, and although they may not have it all down pat, that’s what we think is ‘normal’ and ‘right’.

We do the best we can, with the tools we have been given. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes we just keep trying to fit the square into the triangle shape. Trying to bend and twist and make it fit, even though that isn’t where it goes…

I have been single now for the past 5 years, and it has been a time of growth and reconnection. In this time, I have really worked out who I am, what I want, and how to be happy and complete just as I am. I have learnt to love myself, to cherish and spoil myself, to speak kindly and praise myself for the things I do. I appreciate my mind, my body and my soul, and I can honestly say for the first time in my life I am happy.

The most important relationship we have in life is with ourselves. We are in charge of our happiness. We need to make the best choices we can about our relationships, careers and the way we spend our time. The energy that we put out into the universe is the energy that we get back. So, make it good, beautiful, positive energy!

How to fall in love with yourself again…

• Go inward through meditation to become more in-tune with your body and your soul. Reconnect on a higher level. In time this will strengthen your bond with your higher self.
• Take yourself on a date, whether it be a walk-in nature or on the beach, or out for a coffee. Go and spend some time on your own, device free.
• Incorporate self-care rituals into your day/week, depending on your time capacity. Make time to sit and enjoy a cup of tea to yourself, or a candle lit bath, or do some yoga/stretching. It doesn’t need to be anything over the top, just something to soothe your soul.

Through many months of focusing on myself, on my needs and my wants, I have finally come home to myself. And for the first time in 31 years, I can say that I love myself unconditionally. And it feels ah-mazing!

And I want you to feel exactly the same my love.

Once we are in a loving relationship with ourselves, we can open ourselves to the most beautiful love in all our relationships, romantic or not. Then we can find the right partner, who compliments us and who loves us, just the way we are.

Do you know a bestie who needs to read this? Share it with her today and support her to start flexing that self-love muscle!